Tuesday, April 7, 2009


We all have insecurities. Man. Man how many of us hate that word, but on some level- NO matter who we are or where we come from we have them. Its amazing to me how many people don’t want to deal with them- uh especially me. See insecurities started early for me- like most people.

I think we all have grown up having certain insecurities about ourselves. We have all had things done to us or for us that have shaped us in some way.

I remember being 7 years old and wanting Barbie dolls. They were the things back then. I asked me mom one day if I could get a Barbie and she said she would think about it. Well little did I know that my mom had sated reading his book about toys and the affects they can have on children. Its was one of those real overboard kind of books… Well in one of the chapters it talked about kids who played with Barbie’s ended up dealing with anorexia when they grew up. Well my mom did not want that to happen to me so she decided that I could not have a Barbie. Oh man was I upset. I was 7 I didn’t understand why I couldn’t’ that a Barbie. Couple weeks later my mom decided that she had a great idea. She told me instead of getting a Barbie I was going to get the bear family, Yes, as in little fat pudgy bears… My mom bought me 4 of them and furniture for the entire bear house. Yes, I had an entire house built for my bears. Well can you imaging how many kids wanted to come over a play? Yea who wanted to play with the kid that had the bear family----or who really wanted to play with bears, I don’t think that’s normal.

well I started thinking about this if Barbie’s cause anorexia what do you think playing beard would cause- yea exactly fat tummies and what do you think has been the part of my body I have to work out the hardest? My tummy- yea thanks mom.

I know its might just be a funny story, but this did not help my insecurities. Insecurities are rough. The question is how do we expose them and then how do we began to get rid of them.

Well first just admit, hey I’ve got insecurities, admit that you are allowing the majority of your decisions to be made through the filter of insecurity. I was,

For years, making decisions based on fears and insecurities.

Why Im I even sharing all of this,? well I want to cause people to become the people they truly are. And I believe if we all start becoming real about our junk we can start becoming better people.

God had designed us with greatness inside of each and everyone one of us, but if we can’t get past our insecurities we will never see it. We will never realize what’s really in us. Can you imagine knowing something is inside of you that can change people- help people, but yet you can’t get it out? Well that’s what most of us our doing. We are allowing everything else to think for us instead of us.

That it , that’s what its about. Think. Today you must decide to start thinking, not the way you used to think, but a new way of thinking. Thinking without fear, without feeling like you would be rejected or not accepted.

Okay its like this. I am great with people/ I love making them smile or making someone laugh/ well where do you think my insecurities are the biggest-you guessed it with friends/people. It was hard for me to really trust anyone. My dad walked out when I was one so for me it started there.

I just chose to believe if my own flesh and blood could walk out on me ebry other friend would walk out on me.

But why, why do we chose to hold on to the very thing that is hurting us?

Well we do that because we convince ourselves that holding on to us keeps us safe. So we never really let anyone in.

There’s this awesome scripture in the message bible that says-“ You use iron to sharpen iron, so you use a friend to sharpen another friend. that’s why we need people in our lives- To show us our value. To show us the things inside of us we cannot see. Having others in our lives helps use to experience and understand Gods grace.

Now back to the bears. Have you realized that bears only hangout with other bears? Well we are a lot like bears. We enjoy hanging out with people that are like us, well I have learned form experience –umm this isn’t always the best.

I’ve decided when I meet amazing people I am no longer going to be intimidated by them, I am going to be inspired by them,

I’m going to push myself to be me/ the me that’s been waiting to come out. I’m going to think using my heart and not my fears.

Believe me, I haven’t figured it our yet, I still deal with junk, but the more I expose it the better I am getting. I hope today you stop hiding from your insecurities and you decide to face them and take the challenge to think.

Today you’ll think, tomorrow you’ll change.

Thursday, March 19, 2009

Heres what I think

Most of us are afraid to allow people into our lives.  I mean really let people know us.  Why do you think our society loves reality tv? Its because none of us our living in reality.

Why people are so into reality tv. I created my own reality.  Most of us are not  But it was a reality created by fear and rejection.

“ Here’s what I think”

We all have pictures.  Pictures of things that have happened to us, but there’s always that one that sticks out to us- mine was when my father walked out on me when I was only one. The picture that day would end up living my life for me. Most people pick up there reality by the pictures that they have created.

See for me that picture was reality. A reality that anyone I would ever love would one day walk out on me. “And what do you think happened, people walked in and out of my life.” Well of course they did I never trusted them. I never allowed myself to trust and what kind of friendship is that really. I got older  The older I got I started to try to do more for people b/c maybe if I did enough they would love me.  I never knew that I should be loved for who I am and not for what I do.

Most people never knew anything was wrong with me.

I wasn’t a depressed person that sitting in a corner, I was not shy. IF ANYTHING I was the fun loving girl who made everyone laugh, If you hung out with me you were for sure going to have a great time. I was constantly surrounding myself with people, but I always felt alone . Rejection was my identity… It was my reality.

The problem with this kind of living is isn’t living at all.  I mean I had a story for every subject you could think up, but I was not living the story God had for me.

 We all have pictures  that stick with us in some way or another and they define who we are. 

One day I was eating with a friend of mine and I remember her asking me about my picture. She said, “when you think about your dad walking out what do you see”- even though I was too young to remember when he left I’ve always had this picture in mind.  Me as a baby playing on the floor and him walking past on his way out the door.  She then preceded to ask me, “Where was God in that picture” My first reaction was, “Oh don’t use that counseling babble on me”. But she continued to tell me that I needed to go back and see where God was in that picture. I thought what do you mean where was  God- he was up in heaven dealing with bigger issues than me…

A week later I was in my bedroom and it was like all the sudden I saw this new picture.  Same room, same place, but for the first time I was distracted. Someone bent over the couch to show me a story and I no longer saw my dad walk out the door.  I broke down crying at that moment.


For the first time I saw God in the picture.  He had been there the whole time protecting me, loving me, but all this time I had focused on my dad walking out and not God staying. That was the day God and I bonded, but I never realized it.  ( this is the answer) 

We have a collage of pictures, we create pictures all the time. Maybe you didn’t have a traumatic event take place in your life it doesn’t mean you’ve never taken any pictures.  Pictures live realities for us.


What’s your picture?  Where’s God in that picture? He was there you just have to take a closer look at the picture to see him.