Thursday, March 19, 2009

Heres what I think




Most of us are afraid to allow people into our lives.  I mean really let people know us.  Why do you think our society loves reality tv? Its because none of us our living in reality.

Why people are so into reality tv. I created my own reality.  Most of us are not  But it was a reality created by fear and rejection.

“ Here’s what I think”

We all have pictures.  Pictures of things that have happened to us, but there’s always that one that sticks out to us- mine was when my father walked out on me when I was only one. The picture that day would end up living my life for me. Most people pick up there reality by the pictures that they have created.

See for me that picture was reality. A reality that anyone I would ever love would one day walk out on me. “And what do you think happened, people walked in and out of my life.” Well of course they did I never trusted them. I never allowed myself to trust and what kind of friendship is that really. I got older  The older I got I started to try to do more for people b/c maybe if I did enough they would love me.  I never knew that I should be loved for who I am and not for what I do.

Most people never knew anything was wrong with me.

I wasn’t a depressed person that sitting in a corner, I was not shy. IF ANYTHING I was the fun loving girl who made everyone laugh, If you hung out with me you were for sure going to have a great time. I was constantly surrounding myself with people, but I always felt alone . Rejection was my identity… It was my reality.

The problem with this kind of living is isn’t living at all.  I mean I had a story for every subject you could think up, but I was not living the story God had for me.

 We all have pictures  that stick with us in some way or another and they define who we are. 

One day I was eating with a friend of mine and I remember her asking me about my picture. She said, “when you think about your dad walking out what do you see”- even though I was too young to remember when he left I’ve always had this picture in mind.  Me as a baby playing on the floor and him walking past on his way out the door.  She then preceded to ask me, “Where was God in that picture” My first reaction was, “Oh don’t use that counseling babble on me”. But she continued to tell me that I needed to go back and see where God was in that picture. I thought what do you mean where was  God- he was up in heaven dealing with bigger issues than me…

A week later I was in my bedroom and it was like all the sudden I saw this new picture.  Same room, same place, but for the first time I was distracted. Someone bent over the couch to show me a story and I no longer saw my dad walk out the door.  I broke down crying at that moment.

 

For the first time I saw God in the picture.  He had been there the whole time protecting me, loving me, but all this time I had focused on my dad walking out and not God staying. That was the day God and I bonded, but I never realized it.  ( this is the answer) 

We have a collage of pictures, we create pictures all the time. Maybe you didn’t have a traumatic event take place in your life it doesn’t mean you’ve never taken any pictures.  Pictures live realities for us.

 

What’s your picture?  Where’s God in that picture? He was there you just have to take a closer look at the picture to see him.

3 comments:

  1. Love it alish. You have a voice to share with the world. So glad this is a place you can be heard.

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